It has been hard for me to not expect God to bring Levi to us right away. Our adoption is biblical, we are being obedient to what God has called our family to do, and we know that God loves adoption because He has adopted us as believers into His family. So, why are we still waiting for Levi? I understand and know that God is ultimately in control of our adoption. I understand and know that we are waiting for God's will and God's timing, but I am still wondering to myself, "why not right now?"
When I was sharing with someone about our court date, I told them I'm "cautiously excited". I said that because I don't know if God's timing is for us to pass court on the 13th. I don't want to have to wait until October or November to bring him home. I hope we pass, but I don't know what God will do on the 13th. So, here's what that makes me ask myself...Have I FULLY surrendered myself to God's timing? Am I still trying to control what God wants to do in me? Do I have enough faith?
I'm reading a book entitled Same Kind of Different As Me. It's a true story about "a modern-day slave, an international art dealer, and the unlikely woman who bound them together". There was a quote that I read in the 44th chapter that truly hit home with me..."Our limitation is God's opportunity. When you get all the way to the end of your rope and there ain't nothin you can do, that's when God takes over." So, I guess the Holy Spirit's revelation to me after reading that quote is based on Romans 8:28, "We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him." Do I completely trust God to work for my good? Do I think He's out to hurt me or disappoint me? I know that I can completely and wholly trust Him, but is it something that I'm actually doing.
I think the Lord has shown me that I have lifted my arms to Him in surrender, but I have yet to open my fists and fully surrender. I might be 90% surrendered to God's timing and trusting Him in all things, but I could still relinquish my expectations and ideas of what's best for me.I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but I pray that I am "working hard to show the results of my salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in me, giving me the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." (Philippians 2:12&13)
Thanks for letting me share,
Mandy
Mandy, I feel at times my entire adult life has been a lesson from God on his perfect timing, not mine. When Sean was a toddler, and I was told he may never speak, I used to sit in church and pray a begging prayer for him to speak. He finally spoke at age 4 and never stopped. Lesson, "watch what you pray for" He has grown into a fine Christain young man, and is a public speaker. Our family has been praying for 5 years for my oldest son to come back to God. He declared over dinner when he was 16, and recently home from a mission trip that he was an atheist. I struggled with this for a long time, feeling "I" had failed him as a mother. I had finally given up that it would never happen in my life time. I lost my faith in God's perfect timing. To make a long story short, Eric is currently in a personal crisis. On Thursday I told him he needs to reevaluate his life choices, and that for the last 5 years since he turned his back on God things have been swirling the drain for him. He told me,"Mom, I do believe in God!" We talked and prayed together. Hoping he will make the decision to come with us to church tomorrow. I go on the comfort of others, that when we run out of patience waiting for an answer, so many others lift us up in prayer when we are too exhausted to pray ourselves. It is OK, to lose your patience, and even doubt your faith. Because God never loses his. Your experience will only enable you to minister to others when they are in the same position as you...it's part of God's plan.
ReplyDeletehey, paul and mandy..it's elissa grundy. my mom told me to check out your blog (especially the august 8 date) because it is all about waiting and it seems that that is all i have been doing recently. my patience virtue is limited and it seems as if my time is growing shorter and my attitude less appealing to others. because of these things all together, i have been taking it out on others and, worst of all, god. i have believed that he can fix everything and it's his fault that things are how they are. i know that this is the wrong attitude to have, but it's the easiest and better than pointing the finger at myself. until about a month ago i've pointed the finger at him and been bitter and hateful with no intent of changing my attitude. that was until my grandmother sat me down and said nothing was going to change until i gave myself over to god, changed my attitude, believed that things could change, believe he wanted things to change for the best, completely gave myself to him and started tithing. i didn't want to do this and certainly thought it would be impossible to change my bad attitude after years of my well-known bad attitude, but worse than that i did not think i could give 10% of the barely-there wage that i make after my 60 hour work week. i thought about it and realized that so far, nothing else has helped me and figured i'd give it a try. it has been difficult so far, but i have been trying. it hasn't been so bad giving up that 10%. my grandma said that i'll always have enough and, even though it seems like a lot of money, i actually have had enough each month. my attitude has gotten better and i am trying to put my complete trust in god in hopes that i will find a job soon and that he will provide health insurance for me before my current one runs out. i'm a very impatient person and so he is testing my patience, but i know this will not be easy. my grandma says that the lord wants us to test him and she said this will be a good test for him since i am a bit doubtful about what will happen. after reading your august 8 post on patience and why does god make us wait? i realize that we must put our faith in god and realize that there is a reason for his timing. even though i may not see it and i just can't understand why i can't have that job right now i must trust that i will have it in the nick of time and he will provide. thank you for sharing that post. please keep me in your prayers as i figure out what god will do in my future. i am glad you have levi and i'm sure you can now say that it has been worth the wait :)
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